If you’re anything like me, you love spending time with friends and family over the holidays, but you’d still rather be sipping wine quietly in a cellar. There’s something about that cool cellar air and the sweet smell of cork that’s instantly calming, even during the most stressful holiday get-togethers. Here are a few excuses that you can use to visit your cellar this holiday season and spend a little more time with your favorite wines.
Taking your family and friends down for a “tour”
Your cellar is as detailed as the Louvre, and you’re going to take your loved ones through every nook and cranny (while sipping on a lovely Cabernet Franc, of course). If they protest that they’ve seen your cellar before, simply respond, “Ah yes, but did you see my new Burgundy vintages?” Remember: your family can’t accuse you of hiding in your cellar if you take them with you.
You’re not hiding in your cellar, you’re just looking for that perfect gift
When your loved ones have had enough “tours” to last a lifetime, you can still sneak off to your cellar if you claim you’re looking for someone’s gift. Sure, you know exactly where you put that bottle of 1977 Port that you plan on giving to your sister-in-law, but your family doesn’t know that. It could take you all day to find it!
Finding a great pairing for each of the 20 dishes on the dinner table
Your brother is making green bean casserole, and everyone knows you can’t serve that dish without a bottle of Argentina Torrontes. However, that cheese platter appetizer could also use a glass or two of Champagne, and you can’t forget the dessert pairing! You’ll need to visit your cellar between every course, at least.
Showing your family what you actually want for a gift
The problem with being a wine expert is that your family members don’t realize that you’re not that interested in the wines sold at Trader Joe’s. You can use your cellar as an educational tool this holiday season, showing your family which wines you actually want as gifts. Just hope that they’re taking notes.
You need to make sure your wines are safe and cozy
Your bottles are like your children, and you need to check that they are properly tucked in for the evening. The winter cold is dangerous for your finest vintages, so you can use this as an excuse to check on your cellar’s thermostat every few hours. You never know when your temperature control unit will go on the fritz, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
You put a fake Christmas tree in the cellar, which suddenly makes it festive
If your family says you’re not getting into the Christmas spirit, you can show them how much you love the holiday by decorating your favorite room in the house: the cellar. You can’t put a real tree inside, since its smell could affect your wines’ flavors, but you can shove a fake plastic tree in the corner. Whenever your family accuses you of being a Grinch, take them down to the cellar to remind them that your heart isn’t two sizes too small.
These latkes would go really well with that collection of kosher wines you have in your cellar
Your Bubby just made the most delicious plate of latkes with sour cream, but you can’t possibly snack on it without a glass of kosher Champagne. While you’re down in the cellar, you might as well get another kosher bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for the brisket. And you can’t forget about kugel for dessert…
You want to spend New Year’s Eve kissing your one true love: A glass of vintage Champagne
While everyone is scrambling at the last minute to find a partner to smooch when the ball drops at midnight, you’re busy looking for that perfect vintage Krug to ring in the New Year. Now is your chance to show all of your friends why you spend so much time in your cellar. Nothing says “this year will be fantastic” like a creamy glass of aged bubbly.
Running up and down the cellar stairs helps you burn off extra holiday calories
“Moderation” isn’t in your vocabulary this time of the year. Once again, you’ve eaten way too much mashed potato and you’ve gobbled up too many slices of pie. Thankfully, making frequent trips to your wine cellar helps you fit back into your pre-holiday pants. You burn about two calories for every 10 steps you walk, so you’ll need to make at least 50 trips to your cellar every day. It’s healthy!
You want to give your family the most perfect gift of all: A happy you
The holidays can be stressful, and nothing relieves your stress as quickly as spending some calming, quality time among your favorite wine bottles. Getting in some “you” time helps you enjoy your family and friends more, and it makes this time of the year all the more festive.
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